Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
