I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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