absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
