Can i not drive my cunt home
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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