Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
