life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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