i just wanna soil my oats bro
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
