I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
