i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
