pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
