Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just threw up on my dentist
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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