Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So many bounce houses so little time
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize