Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I FOUND THE LEGS
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
