There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
