My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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