yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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