i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
