she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
