and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
