Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
