I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
