Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
