i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize