I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
