So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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