Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize