After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
