I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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