i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
