Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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