She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
