I need help removing her.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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