you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
