Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
