her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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