i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
