Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
