my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I need a beard to bite.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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