Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
