No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
