I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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