Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
