Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
