I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize