for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
