My room smells like vodka and shame
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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