Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
