he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
