hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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