I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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