You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
