Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
