i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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