Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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