They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
