he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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