I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
