I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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