Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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