dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
