His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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