I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize