Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
