1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dick very happy bro
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
