Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You are a genius and a whore.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
