my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
