dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
