census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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