i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
