he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
