New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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