she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize