hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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