I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
