When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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