she looked like the before picture.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
