dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
