in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
