Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
His nipple licking is glorious
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