Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
