if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
