Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
it was like eating out sand paper
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
