life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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