WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
