dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
