Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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