My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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