Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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