Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you will always have a special place in my vag
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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