I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize