I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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