dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize