Your face is a jimmy john
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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