do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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