you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
