At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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